Darth Vader Has a Blog
Darth Vader Has a Blog! And it’s hilarious, here’s a snippet:
20050418
Haste Makes Waste
Bloody interrogation. Imperial audience. More leg woes.
Did you ever have one of those days?
It can be challenging to maintain your dignity as a dark tyrannical overlord when the circuitry in your left leg constantly misfires, threatening to send you off on a mad pirouette without notice. It requires a serious effort of will to maintain my poise, the tendrils of my connection to the Force reaching deep into space to feel out my distant quarry and at the same time wrapped around the mechanisms of my own body to keep them working.
I am stretched too thin.
The traiterous dog Krelcon was captured early this morning and brought around to the Imperial palace after breakfast. I had poached eggs with ham, buttered crumpets and a glass of wetfruit juice.
During my interview with Krelcon he admitted to me that he had been involved in smuggling the stolen data tapes of the Death Star’s technical readout to the Rebel Alliance. In order to produce similarly fruitful results I used the Force to crush all of the small bones in his hands. Krelcon became most chatty then, and we discussed likely locations of the hidden rebel base.
Things went badly after that point, however. I confess that Krelcon took me off guard when he mentioned the prophecy. Eyes burning in a masque of pulp and blood he screamed, “The son of the suns is nigh, knight-bastard! He is on your very threshold!”
I had meant to backhand him but my passions were aroused and my concentration faltered, and so instead I released control of my errant left leg and instantly found myself doing a frenzied, lop-sided jig that turned me in place.
Krelcon found the strength to laugh. Thus, with one powerful thrust of the Force I burst his skull.
Which was probably premature. But que sera, sera.
